It is difficult to describe the euphoric feeling of elation and relief that overwhelmed me, as I thumbed through the latest edition of the Camden New Journal.
I always enjoy taking the Camden pulse via the pages of the CNJ, but here was something truly special; news that Camden Council was throwing in the towel – wrapped in an orange bin-bag, no doubt, and banishing the orange scourge that has blighted our borough for the past 18 months.
Back in 2017, despair and a degree of panic was starting to grip me, when regular, unsolicited deliveries of bulky packs of orange plastic rubbish sacks kept thudding onto the door mat.
Where did they come from? What was I supposed to do with them? I studied the instructions, emblazoned on each bag: “Household rubbish” – “NO RECYCLABLES” – “NO FOOD WASTE” – “NO BROKEN GLASS” – “NO HOT ASHES”.
But WHAT then?!
The trending pub-topic soon became about what constitutes “Household rubbish”. No one knew. The Camden Recycling and Rubbish web page helpfully suggested some suitable items of household rubbish: Clingfilm – cellophane – sanitary products – dog poo and cat litter – crisp packets – polystyrene – nappies – broken glass. Altogether an unsettling mind picture.
But wait, it says “NO BROKEN GLASS” on the bags? So am I on the completely wrong list?! Who can tell?
And anyway, as for the rest of the tasteful basket of waste products, how much dog poo and cling film does the average household get through in a week? Enough to fill a 50 litre bag? The ambient fragrance must be positively intoxicating.
But, waste not, want not, so time to get creative. Suffice to say that every storage receptacle in the place is now filled with well loved keepsakes, large and small, swathed in a radiant shade of orange, probably for the rest of time.
But wait, now Camden Council have seen the future, and it definitely isn’t going to be orange, after all! The bags are going-going-gone, apparently saving us £220K a year in the process. Don’t get me started.
When Sainsbury’s invented their orange ‘Bag for Life’ – they probably didn’t factor in stiff competition for their claim. But Camden Council have now provided us all with orange bags for life, even for those of us, lucky enough to live till we’re 103.
The high vis man from Veolia tells me that we can now use our orange sacks for any kind of rubbish, so stand by for lots of brightly coloured Camden trash!